月の海は、元々は原住民が使っていた神聖な場所らしい。今でもその月の海の存在は大々的には宣伝されておらず、その存在を知る旅好きなどがこっそりと上っていくという話である。

わたしは何度かそのビーチリゾートへ行ったことがある。しかし、いつもリゾートで遊んでいるだけで、一度も月の海へ行ったことがない。いつもいってみたいなと思いながらも、険しい山道を裸同然の格好で登っていくのかと思うと、危険なように思えて、いつもその山を見上げるだけで終わっていた。

正確に言うと、今回は三度目だった。いつものように海で遊び、ホテルのきれいなプールで遊んでいた。二度目はわたしは妊娠していたのだった。そのため山へ登るのは諦めたのだ。初めてのときは、月の海の存在すら知らなかった。ただ山があるな、上れる高さだな、でも危ないだろう、と思っていただけである。

今回は、連れがあった。ペルー人の友人ふたりが一緒に来ていた。しばらくリゾートで遊んだあと、わたしはふと、月の海の話をした。二人ともぜひ行きたいといい、わたし自身も一度入ってみたいという想いから、今回こそはチャレンジすることにした。

月の海の周りには何もないという。頂上がぽっかり海になっているだけで、あとは崖っぷちだそうだ。わたしはおそらくその景色を写真かなにかで見たことがあり、わたしたちは裸同然の水着のまま行くしかないというように思っていた。

山の麓には、温泉リゾートが続いている。リゾートというより、アトラクションといった方が正しく、洞窟になっているが、そのあしもとにも温泉が湧いている、という場所である。わたしたちは入場券を買い、洞窟の中を温泉をばしゃばしゃいわせながら、のんびりと歩いていった。

温泉を抜けると、山へ登る登山口がある。わたしたちのほかにも数人行くらしく、ここでまた入場券を買わされている。山の麓から頂上までは、それなりに険しい山道を歩くことを覚悟していたのだが、どうやらトロッコのようなもので連れて行ってくれるらしい。登山口の横には、チェーンのフライドチキン屋ができており、以前来たときにはなかったこの店に、この場所も観光地化されてきたことを感じた。

わたしたちは１０月３日というスタンプの押された入場券を、自動券売機から受け取り、トロッコのようなジェットコースターのようなものに乗り込む。わたしは、月の海の由来を得意げに友人たちに話して聞かせ、友人たちはわたしのそういった
無駄な知識を賞賛してくれた。

頂上までは一息に駆け上がるのではないらしく、まるでジェットコースターのようにうねうねと曲がり、高いところから麓を見下ろすのは壮快であった。

わたしはその月の海をまるで目の前に見るようにしながら、トロッコにゆられて山を登っていった。

が、ふと目が覚めた。すべては夢であったようだ。しかし、どうしてもやはりわたしはその月の海を知っているし、以前に二度近くまでいったが登らずに帰ってきたとしか思えない。それは、その体験を夢の中でしていたのだろうか。夢の記憶が積み重なっていっているのだろうか。

布団の中でそんなことを考えていると、また目が覚めた。入れ子の夢であった。

月の海の存在自体は疑いようがないように感じる。おそらくわたしはどこかでその写真を見るか、話を読むかしたに違いない。

今こうしていても、わたしは月の海をありありと思い描くことができるが、いつも同じ角度からの眺めである。一度は行ってみたい月の海、一体何処にあるのだか思い出すことができない。

When I opened the door, I see warm lights, yellow tone warm lights. There are something on the floor. Some small cubes lined very neat, but I can’t see them well.

I feel thick layer on my eyeballs when I go there. I can see something, but I can’t see most of the things.

I know I have to walk in the room, but everyday, I can’t do so because I can’t see what’s there. I don’t eve try to get closer to the little cubes to see more detail, because I know I can’t see them today anyway. I fell like I know the cubes, I know what I have to do and what is coming as result, but I can’t see them clear, so I can’t walk in there.

Closing the door, and walk back on the rails. I know I’ll do the same tomorrow again. I can see world more clearly. I see the orange lights lighting the rails, sleeping trains, cables and rails.

When I was walking on the rails, a tall guy in darck check shirts, with dark color framed eye glasses comes to my right side and walked along with me.

“You are the one I am looking for”

He said. I said

“Huh?”

Because I have no idea who he is. He  doesn’t look like crazy, he is just a geeky look guy.

“Sorry, I should say, you have something what I have been looking for”

And he comes to my left side and took my left hand. There are purple metallic ring on my ring finger. I didn’t even know I have it there.

“This is the one I found the other day and asked him if he knows this. He said this is t
he one he bought for his girlfriend but lost few days ago, so I polished this and gave it to him. But I am really in love with this ring”

I feel strange to see my white hand with the purple ring in his large hands. I can’t remember when and how I got this ring, but I know who gave me, there is only one guy I can think of.

Then the dream was over.

I took a pen and paper and started writing a letter to the guy who must be the one gave me the ring. I wrote about the dream story. I don’t have the ring on my left hands, that was a dream.

Then the dream was over again. Now I am typing this dream diary on my eeePC, I don’t have purple ring on my left hand. I am not sure if this is still a dream and I go back to another “awake” world later.

Dream 1

This is the most geek-ish dream I ever had. I dream there’s a conspiracy of apple killing one among 10 version of their own products. I forget what is the product but if i’m not mistaken it is the iPod. Unsure which line ( shuffle, nano, classic, mini ). There’s 10 iPod exist at that scene. So one of them suddenly vaporize. And I get to talk with iPod version 9 and 10.

Then I woke up, as it is scorching heat in KL. And I was only slept for 3 hours.

Dream 2

The dream starts with me in my home. Saw a cat giving birth, the caesarean way OMGWTHBBQ. Caesarean = where the stomach need to be slice to create an opening. Then took my car and drove, to Damansara somewhat. Then I entered the plaza toll but the lorry in front of me didn’t have enough Touch n Go reload, so in that same lane, he reverse a bit and pull over to the left, allowing me to Touch n Go my card. When it is my turn, it doesn’t beeping and screen doesn’t flashing the value remaining in the card. But the gates were open. So I quickly went out, only to discover the alarm of that toll booth has been set off. Blinking but isn’t buzzing. Afraid, so I parked not far from the toll, into the house that has a swimming pool. Behind that house is another road/highway signboard but has a name written on it. I wish not to disclose the name so if you, some of my readers think it’s you, SMS me to ask :p

Then, as I turn i realize the highway that I entered that I didn’t pay, is not like PLUS Highway, or the type that require the touch N go to be touched twice.  So I could just ignore and exit at the next exit.

Upon arriving, I think I arrive at Ampang, and I was cycling to find mobile office. I met some of my hometown boys. Then I go upstairs and only to discover I entered my previous room in MMU Hostel, but with my ex-roomate Rahmat and Najib occupying that room. We were watching something. Then I come downstairs to the foodcourt and Tokwan & Mail start greeting me, with some of SAMTEN friends. Zul Md Nor was there too. Then, my MRSM friends came and saw my partner in crime Ekhsan came in. After greeting friends at MMU HB2 parking lot, there’s MMU friends nearby with the potluck party that I did. One of the most recognizable dishes is Chicken Pie that looks like the one I ate at Coffee Ritual. Then I suggest some of my friends to go buy some food since this is potluck party and inside that dream I think about Canadian Pizza Buy 1 free 1.

And dream 2 stops there.

///====================

points/relation in real life.

Dream 1

1. Last night I was reading some of the articles and comments regarding Adobe VS Apple. Either it’s iPod or Flash that being killed by Apple. The product that already has 10 version, is Flash Player afterall. iPod has different lines of product but if you jumble up all the product line, there’s a 10 product anyway. The representation of the product is by humans so it’s kinda creepy for me. I really forget what product.

Dream 2

1. I don’t have a cat at home.
2. Yesterday my Touch n Go zeroed. But I have two touch N go. One that always stays in the car and another one is my MMU ID. Where I use it for public transport.
3. The feel of the road is like Sprint Damansara, where I previously went out from UM, and going out at that road.
4. The name written on that signboard is one of the readers that always commented in this blog. Since it’s a girl, I wish not to disclose the name. Revealing any girl that appear in your dream will.. ah whatever.
5. Last tuesday I’m cycling to my mobile office = Coffee Sugar & Spice
6. I still meet Rhmad & najib occasionally at MMU
7. Met Tokwan & Mail recently, just having teh tarik session. Zul Md Nor come in contact because I read his brother’s blog / Aeropama recently.
8. I’ve been indulging in Pie for about 6 month. Sheperd Pie, King Pie, chicken mushroom pie in coffee ritual too. hahahahhaha

There are two women standing, both of them are in long Muslim dress, but not black. They are covering their hair, but not face. One is in light gray, one is in light beige.

The gray one is standing with some documents on her hands, I see her face, she is looking something over the table, I’m about 4 meters away from her. She is about 40 years old, little fat but looks healthy. Skin is little dark, seems like she’s from somewhere in south east asia.

Behind of her, there are many chairs, and some people sitting and chatting. It seems like meeting is just over or we are going on break, people walking around and talking.

The beige one is showing on her back to me, I don’t see her face, I don’t know who she is. I see this vision like one scene of a movie or could be a photo, but myself there and seeing it as one of them.

Suddenly, the gray one gets shot on her forehead. Her eyes are opened bigger like she is surprised about something. She is still holding the documents on her hands, but step back 2, 3 steps. No blood but a hole on her forehead.

Then the beige one gets shot on her back. I’m still at the same position and seeing them.

The beige one fell down. The gray one stepped back once again and fell down on the floor.

I know I’m going to be shot as well. I hide myself under the table. From my right side, there is a huge wooden door, some guys come in with huge guns with their hands. They shoot people without picking up, they are under control of some kind of terrorism, they think they have to kill us all.

There are 2 girls, about 9 years old, one has lovely blond hair, another one has brunet curled hair, they run to the door without crying or shouting. The terrorists shoot them in front of me, I see it under the desk. 2 girls fall down on the floor and never moved again.

I am not in the fear, but so much sorrow. I don’t know why it happens, why people have to be killed like this.

There are blight beautiful sunny outside, many big trees with a lot of leaves making beautiful sounds with the wind. How come? My eyes are wide open, but I can’t move my eyeballs. Brain stops working, just repeating why, why, why.

I got shot. But there is hard glass in front of me. I see the bullet almost broke the glass but the glass is still there and protected me. Am I not in this situation? I am confused. I’m hiding myself and just got shot, but what I see is the hard glass protecting me. I see everybody else got shot and there are nobody left, even the terrorists.

In my mind, I see this building. It’s a hotel. I can run to downstairs, I am on the 2nd floor, and run out from this building, hiding myself under the trees, I can run through the street and turn the first corner to the left, then I’ll be fine.

I simulated this over and over in my mind, so now I feel like I have done it many times already, and so I don’t have to do anymore.

I’m still under the table. I don’t know how I can get out from this table even I can think of how to get out of this building. Am I here or not? Where the terrorists gone? Are they actually terrorists? What kind of meeting this is? So many questions in my mind. Simulating how to run out over and over, recalling the gray dressed woman’s face over and over…. feels like I am in eternal cycle of death.

Me walking there is wearing pale blue skirt and little purple cardigan on it. She (me) looks like about 38 years old and very happy to walk with the partner. I can’t see his face, but I can feel these 2 are loving each other so much.

38 years old me pointing a girl walking about 5 meters ahead from them, and said “See the girl walking there, who is in stripe skirt”, then the guy and I look at the girl.

The girl is wearing short stripe pliets skirt, it’s short and moving gently when she move her legs. The tops is clean black long sleeve tops. She is not smiling but she looks happy. The way she walks is like dancing, popping a little bit on every single step, and straighten up her back.

38 years old me said “That is me 16 years old”. Then I see the girl again, actually I feel she’s 16 years old me. I look and compare the legs of me 16 years old and 38 years old, of cource 16 years old me has nicer legs, but the 38 one has not bad legs, actually good enough as 38 years old.

Both of me looks happy with what she is like right now. Me, the one looking both of them is just like a camera, only view, no body.

It was like a little town, everything there were so dirty and many poor people were there. People looking at us and sometimes pointing us, but I couldn’t get what they are talking about. I was not very afraid, but felt sad that the people there think we are not the same human. Also other 3 who are with me, are kind of afraid, so we were in rush to walk pass the area.

At the end of the little town, there is another isle turn left. We walked along, it is long wooden bridge on the ocean connected to the ground.

I found myself as one of my friend, and walking with her (my) boyfriend. He asked her (me) to marry, but she (I) couldn’t answer. We walked along the long long bridge.

“I’m so sorry”, suddenly she said. My point of view is her point of view, but I feel it’s not me, so I say ‘she’ now. She was walking about 5 steps behind of him. When she said it, he turns his face and stopped walking.

“What?” he said. “I can’t marry you” she said.

The waves getting high and high, it came over the bridge and they got wet. “I’m sorry, I still love him”. When I (she) said it, there are another guy in my (her) mind, who is her ex. “He’s married and I’m not willing him to broke up with his wife and chose me, I don’t care, I just love him. I can’t marry you because of it”.

Actually I’m not really sure if I still love the ex. The ex hurt me a lot, he has done very bad to me, but I never got angry, just feel so sad. I accepted anything, but just sad.

The waves getting high and high, it could break the bridge. The water comes higher than the bridge and we get wet.

Her boyfriend is almost mad, shouting and shouting, I can’t get what he’s saying, but I can feel he’s so sad, too sad.

There are many people looking at us talking. They are on the ground and shouting at me. Everybody talking about my ex and saying that I’m stupid to leave the current one for someone who doesn’t love me. I burst in to tears, I could believe my ex loves me in someway, but what he has done doesn’t show me his love.

The bridge is now sunk and the water is almost my waist high. Somehow, I jumped and grabbed something, then go up to the ground.

I find myself at home. My aunt is ironing socks for me. I was in sad mood, but I feel very safe at home. I left him, now alone at home, lonely but safe.

Suddenly I found that the ex is living next door. Somehow, I’m in his room and facing him. He said ‘I didn’t think we can see each other again, as you wrote to me that 99.9% we won’t meet again, so we are here for the 0.1% of possibility’.

He looks sad but happy to see me. However, I feel sick, sick of him.

‘I knew you are back, because I could hear your voice talking to your cats’ he said. I remember that this guy sent me money to finish with him, and I spent all of it. I thought I love him, but now with him, what I feel is sorrow, and sick of him.

I just feel so sorry for him, he’s nothing, he’s someone very weak and nothing. He’s living in the room and do nothing.

I can’t even cry, I can’t even hate him, just feel sorry and sorrow. I left his room and back to my room. My aunt is still ironing socks.

Suddenly I awoke from this dream, and found the sorrow still there, it’s still here with me.

When I just passed the cashier I found the corner they are having bargain sale. There is a series of clothes which is neat and little like cyber.

I tried very short white silk organdie skirt. Inside is vivid purple, blue and yellow patterned short pleats skirt, which is shorter than the organdie, so that you can see legs through the organdie skirt. It was really lovely. The material is silk organdie, but it’s very soft and feel kind of cool.

It have pale purple version (the organdie part) and super short hot pants as well. I really liked the skirt, so I asked the girl if I can try it on. The girl, she is my old friend, I don’t know why I didn’t realize it till then, but she is wearing the same skirt and purple top, which is from same material. It fits her so good. I envy her so much and know it won’t fit me like that.

The same design line has black version. It’s super cool. It doesn’t have skirt and tops, but has black piping decorated pants suits. Of course the material is silk, but which has more like nylon feelings.

I took the black trousers and put it on my body. The trousers has piping decoration on both side, and the color is like neon tetra. It was exactly like neon tetra. It changes colors when I move it, or it seems like so. I have no idea what kind of material for the piping part, but it’s so cool. I know it’ll suite me perfect, so I tried it on.

The fitting room is just beside the cashier, between cashier and the bargain corner. The door is mirror outside and inside as well. In the small fitting room I try it on and came out.

The black trousers are really like designed for me, this is my style, it’s perfect. But the size was a little big, when I wear it it looks kind of sloppy. It’s not only about the length, also width. I can feel space around my tummy and waist, I want one more smaller size.

I really like the white and purple skirts, it would be ok on me but not perfect like this black trousers. But the trousers are bit big for me. I really wants to buy something, but there are nothing for me to buy. I keep touching around my tummy and if it’s little smaller, it’s gonna be perfect for me. Somehow, I don’t even think of fixing the size by myself or at the tailor. I’m looking for something ready made but perfect for me, but there are nothing like that.

The white and purple skirts and tops, I’d buy them and keep it in my closet, but I’d never wear in front of people, because I know it’s not for me, it’s for the girl, my friend.

I don’t know what my friend and me talking about, but I was so happy to feel Yui. Then I found another baby who must be Yui’s younger brother, smells like milk same as Yui. He is more soft and warm than Yui. Yui is with her mother, and now the boy is on my lap. He’s wearing green based pajamas.

He’s also smiling and touching all over my body, so lovely. My heart is really filled with happiness. I can feel me smiling and I feel like crying, because it’s too much happiness.

There is somebody else. on the right side of me, but I can’t see the face. I’m not sure if it’s a man or woman. If it’s someone related to me or my friend.

Now the room becomes much more like the living room I grew up. We are sitting on the pale orange, almost dark beige carpet, which is not very soft and nice, but strong enough for kids playing around.

On the right side of me, which is behind of the third person, the window is wide open to the garden. Japanese style sliding doors made by paper are open, the glass windows are also open. Garden is not very nicely maintained, but there are many kids of plants, flowers and insects.

It’s in the afternoon, not too late, around 15:00 or so. I keep touching the little boy and feeling his warm and soft body on my lap.

The happiness is coming from the left side, I feel. But I don’t see anything on my left side. I see my friend, just in front of me, sitting with Yui, and one sitting on my left, little boy on my lap. Warm happiness, with milk smell, soft skin, everything between my friend, her kids and me, the third person is there, but it’s like statue. I have no idea who it is.

I’m not in love with my cousin, I haven’t even seen him for years, but he’s good guy, it’ll be fine, I’m going to marry him without knowing each other physically, I’ll be pure bride for him. How the first night gonna be? How do we kiss and hold each other? I have slept with several guys in the past but never with him yet. I don’t think it’s bad, it’s life, but kind of funny feeling about being a pure bride for the one. Other guys know my body, but he doesn’t.

I’m still talking with my mother, she’s cooking something but I can’t smell it. In my mind, I think of several guys i had been in love with. There are 2 other guys going on right now at the same time, but I don’t feel like getting married with them, I don’t even feel guilty at all even I’m in a relationship with them. Also my heart is full of love for one of them.

I imagine the moment I tell him that I’m going to marry with someone else, and I could imagine it’ll be nothing for him. I can see him smiling and saying congrats to me. I know it’s gonna happen.

My mother is making lunch box, it looks not good, looks like Thai food but looks not tasty. She put fried egg on rice, have some stir fried veg in it. Somehow I know she is making it for me, but I can’t think of where I’m going with the lunch box. I can’t see my mother’s face, the sun lights come in from the window and from my point of view, her face is to blight, I can’t see her, but I know she is my mother.

When I awoke from this dream, I tried to remember the 2 guys, but I couldn’t. There are no guys like that in my real life at this moment. Also the woman in my dream was not really like my mother, actually totally different person. It took few min for me to think of that the cousin has been married for several years and has lovely baby.

Then finally I remember, my office is in a new building connected to Shibuya Station. Ok, I remember…

Then I found myself on bed, looking at my right hand. I recognized that I’m in sleep paralysis, tried to move my right hand. It moved, I can move my right hand slowly and stretch out the arm, then I opened my eyes again. I see my right arm still on the bed as the same shape, bending the arm.

I can do anything in my brain. Moving arms, moving legs, but when I open my eyes, I see myself in the same pose.

My mind is clear, I’m in sleep paralysis, but the feeling of moving my body is also very very real. I understand what is happening, but when I see my arm on the bed, I feel very strange how com it’s still there, I just stretched it out.

I am not sure how long I had been fighting with sleep paralysis like this, but next time when I woke up, I could move my body, but dropped from the bed and slept on the floor again.

The wooden floor is kind of cold, so I lay down on my back to feel the floor.

My brain tried to make me awake, keep telling me ‘you have to be awake by now, you have to take shower and go to work’, but my body doesn’t move.

Again, I am in sleep paralysis. I found myself sleeping on the floor in the bathroom, the tile floor is much colder than wooden floor, so I might moved there without knowing myself. I found myself there, but I couldn’t move. My brain moved my body, I stand up and walk into the bath tub to take shower, but the next moment, I find myself on the floor like a dead body.

I have done it over and over, wake up and move in my brain, but find myself on the floor.

I can’t remember how I woke up finally, but when I awake from it, i feel so tired, I feel like I’ve lived 3 morning during last few hours. Then I thought of going to work, I knew I have to go to work, but can’t remember how I can get there. It took about 10 min to remember.

I just take motorbike from home, such an easy thing!

We got a little park and siting on a bench. It’s almost night, sun went down already. Suddenly he touched my face so softly and said ‘daijoubu’….

I say ‘what?’ he says ‘no worries, it’ll be over soon’… then I realized it’s a dream. I cried and shouted, ‘it won’t be over, even if it’s a dream, I wanna stay here, i don’t want to be awake’, but he is still smiling and telling me many things which tells me it’s a dream.

I almost hateed him, shouting and crying and tried to stay in the dream, but his body is loosing the shape and my mind is heading to be awake. I found myself crying on bed. I just lost someone, i don’t really know who he was, but i just lost someone special.

She is now painting on my face. Put a lot of powders and drawing my lips larger than my real lips. She is trying to make me like a lady boy.

The lipstick she has on her left hand is too strong color and little dark wine red, I don’t think it suits me. She use lipstick brush to paint on my lips. I’m looking at my lips in the mirror, nothing else, only lips.

When she finished painting my lips, I see my face in the mirror. I thought she used very strong color, and how she draw was away too big for me, but actually my lips on my face in the mirror looks actually nice, the color is not too strong, looks sexy enough.

She asked me when I put my bra on. The bra I’m wearing is kind of strange, the shape of bra is not strange, but the structure of the straps are little strange. I can’t even remember how I put it.

I looked at the clock and tried to remember when I put it on. I think it was around 13:00, so which is about 4 hours ago? I said.

She said “take it off” looks almost angry with me wearing it. I’m in a pale blue dress like she is in, but it doesn’t really suits me, and this is not kind of dress I like. But I feel kind of fun, I am acting lady boy.

入り口側の壁はすべてガラスで、ドアの左手には、CDとかちょっとした雑貨とかを、透明のアクリル でできたチープキッチュレトロな棚に並べて売っている。それがまたいちいち可愛い。

そこにCafe del MarのThe best of がおいてあって、あ、これ私大好き！　とおもって、一緒にいた同僚に、それを買ってプレゼントしようとする。

手を伸ばして手にとっ てみると、私が欲しかったCDのバージョン2みたいなもので、2枚組になっている。私は自分が欲しかったもの、それが欲しかったので、バージョン2を買う のをためらってしまう。

どうしようかな、これ、聴いてみてからじゃないと、すすめられないな、でもcafe del marだし、間違いはないだろうしな、というのがぐるぐる頭の中を廻っている。

テー ブルは濃いめの色の木のテーブル、黒に近いこげ茶色。食器は少し厚手ででも上品な感じの白い手びねりの風情のもの。

ふらりとお店に入る と、４人がけの席に女性が二人斜向かいに座って黙々とご飯を食べている。私はなぜか疑問も持たず、その二人は他人同士で、私はその空いている席に相席する つもりで、手に持っていた何かをそこへ置いた。

テーブルの上になにかをおいてから、ふと、もしかして私は他人のところにズケズケと入って いっているんじゃないか、と不安になり、席に着く前に、その辺をふらふらとして時間をつぶしながら物思いにふけることにした。

しばらくふ らりとしてから戻ると、例の二人はいなくなっていて、お店の人たちが後片付けをしていた。それなのに、私は何故かその隣の別のテーブルに座る。通路側、厨 房がわから二つ目のテーブル、通路側。

目の前には、ビジネスパートナーの知人が、厨房側の壁を背にして座っている。ニコニコしながらの朝 食タイム。和定食で、決まったメニューらしく、特に注文しなくても定食のお膳がでてくる。ご飯がほかほかで、とにかくお米が美味しい。

店 の両側の壁は、スリットのような隙間が入ったデザインになっていて、そこから出入りができる。冬の初めの朝の日差しが差し込んできて、暖かくて幸せな気持 ち。

一緒に御飯食べている人の知人という人が、ふいに通りかかり、同じテーブルにつく。スリットの間から続々と知人の知人が入ってきて、 私たちのテーブルには4人、後ろのテーブルにも2人、総勢6人で朝食をとる。

和定食が下げられて、私はまだ少し食べたりない気分でいた ら、今度は卵の浮いた中華スープが、足のついた大きなボウルで出てきた。なんで？　こんな順番？　と、不思議に思っていると、知人が、きっと、作る順番タ イミング見るのが下手くそなんだよ、といって、二人で一つスープをすする。

別のご飯も出てきて、さっきの和定食のもちもちしっとり日本の お米とはちがった食感で、ちょっとクリスピーですらあるお米が意外に美味しくて、もりもり食べていたら、斜め後ろに座っていた人が振り返って、うまいだろ う、と、得意げにいう。

私以外だいたい30代半ばから40代半ばくらいの男性たちで、みんな日本人だった。そしてみんなスーツを着てい て、ニコニコ笑って、一緒に朝食。

不思議に幸せな朝ごはんでした。

Just thinking how to divide the rooms, using acrylic board? or rocks?

There are several friends with me, some of them are working on design industries, interior stuff etc. We walked around a huge shop where selling lots of stuff about aquarium or materials for art or housing. One shop has a huge aquarium tank divided into 2 spaces by huge rocks, which looks cool.

We went to someone’s office, which is thin and old building but kind of retro-lovely place. The steps are narrow but there are many lovely drawings on the wall, which are drawn by the main artist of the office. I found a micro bike at 2nd floor of the office which is really similar to the one I have, but new. I feel happy with it.

We moved the desks or sofas to make space for making plan. We all are excited to design cool aquarium together. The office on the 2nd floor was only 2nd floor, but a lot higher than other buildings. We could see whole town under our eyes.

I feel I know everybody here, some girls some guys, the main artist of the office is thin guy, wearing pink shirt and little hat. He is kind of famous designer but also an artist.

We are discussing about the water system, if the aquarium is huge enough and enough equipments, then we don”t have to be bothered about changing or cleaning water.

What kind of fish or plants? I would love to have green fresh plants a lot, and lovely little fish.

I walk around the office and really loved the place. I’m not the one working there but I really want to be there all day, reading books, talking to people, drawing or anything. This is a kind of place where makes people creative and productive!

The road is dark, street is dark, but I see very bright convenience store there. I walk in there to get some sweets. I feel like having something like sweet bread or pan cakes, as I  just ordered a cup of coffee at the cafe outside.

In the store, they have many sweets, and also they have many bento, I am almost buying Kama meshi bento, but stopped myself.

There are two high tables like bar counter, wooden and little old. They are outside in the rain. As the rain is not much heavy, some people are still there and having coffee. Not bright lights there, but still can see each other.

I am looking for some sweets to have with my coffee, but I couldn’t find anything I want, so I just walk out and back to the table.

My eeePC is on the table, I totally forgot about it, the laptop got wet and when I open it, even on the key board I see water there. This is like my baby, I can not break it. I take the laptop and hold it, but I don’t have anything to wipe the water off. Luckly, it was not too bad, it boots, at least.

One of my old friend from my hometown is here with me, she is talking about her dreams, but my I don’t really remember what she said. I feel there is my mother, somewhere around me, but I don’t see her. How do I know it? I have no idea.

Suddenly, I came out of the dream. I touched my eeePC’s keyboad to wake it up. There is one chat window open and it shows video. I can’t remember when I started video chat with one of my friend, but seems like he can see me and I see him, on skype.

As I see, he is in a little Japanese style room, in a kotatsu, which is Japanese style low table with heater inside and blanket on, we use it during winter. I see him from left and little down, so I look him up. It’s really like Japanese house, reminds me what Japan is like.

Then I remember that he must be on trip, he is not in Japan. I am chatting with him and looking at him, but somehow I can’t ask “Where are you?”. I’m just telling him about my dreams.

Students are making que and standing, nobody dancing. Hiroto is shouting as he used to do, but the voice is not strong enough, I am almost crying but I know I should not cry.

What am I doing on the stage? I am not the member of the blue hearts, I am just singing with Hiroto, but without microphone.

The 2 girl of the first lane are wearing very vivid dresses. One is in vivid green and another one is vivid blue. Other girls are all in black, as normal school uniform. I recognize these 2 girls, they are my friends from junior high school.

Hiroto stopped singing, and all students turn around and walk to the door behind. The 2 girls, one is in green, one is in blue, I:m seeing their back in all black students. Their dress looks cheap and very old style. The green one, which is left of the blue one, she got someone to hold her skirt like long wedding dress, but actually the dress is not long that much, so I can see her legs from behind.

I jumped down to the wooden floor, run after the all students. Get out the door behind, then they are not manking que, it was more like chaos.

On the lft side, there is toilet, after passed toilet, we turn to the left. Then I realized that the floor is so beautiful. The color is mixed yellow,  blue and purple, there are many different color of jewels on the floor. Every single jewels has silver frame, it seems like silver is like working like glue to put the jewels on the floor.

I am so happy to walk on it, there are many part of the isle which is still on construction and not really safe – jewels, silver or needles are bumping out of the floor. But still it is so beautiful.

I am looking the part which is still on construction, it shows how it’s made. I see vivid yellow cloth on the bottom, then blue on it, on the top is purple but little close to silver. Each layer is transparent, and the lights made the color so much beautiful.

I keep walking on the isle but then find myself running like flying, jumping and running, feel so free.

It seems like the guy knows my husband, so I was treating him as a guest, serving tea and talking to him. He had a bunch of photos in his hands, I can’t remember the most of photos, but I saw a dead body on one of the photos.

I’m now not sure, but I think there were my daughter pointing him and said something about the guy has done before. He has killed people without any guilty feeling, it’s like his job. But at the same time he’s collecting photos of dead bodies for his joy.

Somehow, the man disappeared and I was left with the bunch of photos. Only thing in my mind was that I have to hide the photos from anybody. I grabbed all photos and almost running up the stairs.

Then the woman living next door visited my house. She brought some sweets with her as usual, but I was so upset because of the photos. She was interested in the photos, so she tried to get the photos from me. I didn’t see all of them but I was sure there must be a lot of photos which should not be seen.

Luckly, the photos she took from me were nothing violent. She gave me back the photos and left.

I went up the stairs and thinking where to hide. The little Japanese style room was messy but seems like good place to hide, I opened some box and put the photos in.

Several people were around my house, I could hear people talking something about our family. I went down to the hall and opened the main sliding door, which is called “shouji”, Japanese style.

Then my point of view became the third person. I was seeing myself going crazy, and holding the son of the next door, especially I (the wife) is touching his beard. It didn’t looks something sexual, but anybody could see she’s crazy.

There were some guys looking at her, so do I.

My mind came back into the wife again, and found myself being a good wife, but still afraid of people finding the photos.

My daughter found a lot of meat in the fridge, and asked me what I’m gonna make for dinner. Seems like my son was very sensitive and smelling something wrong going on.

My husband came home, and found a new type of gyoza skin, said “Hm, it must be Gyoza tonight, yum yum”… I was thinking how to hide the human meat – that was not photos anymore. I could feel my husband loves me so much and he was happy to have me, so it made me feel more guilty to hide about the photos and dead bodies.

The house was like Thai style 4 story house, but the inside is like Japanese old style wooden architecture. My cats and kids were playing around, and made me to so nervous when they are finding the dead body.

It’s gonna take only few hours to make everybody can smell the dead body, as my cats were already smelling it and sneaking around.

The 4th floor of the house was traditional Japanese style room. Tatamis on the floor, low table and wooden nice furniture. I was wiping the table to get ready for dinner. My kids were running around and smiling, I was still afraid of them finding the dead bodies.

I woke up from the dream several times, every time I found myself on the bed, I looked at my laptop to check the time, to talk to a friend on skype etc… but in few seconds, I went back to the dream and continue it. I could not control myself nor the dream.

I remember there were a lot of love. I could feel my husband loves me a lot, my kids were happy with us, I was. But in my mind there were dead bodies, I couldn’t even remember where I put the dead bodies, but I knew there were, and if my family know about it, I was so afraid of it.

We smiled and look at each other in the mirror, then she said “don’t be in relationship with guys”, I took what she said is “don’t make myself cheap, but don’t be picky, be proud of yourself”.

Then I woke up from the dream… well… my sleepy face in the mirror was not beautiful as I saw in my dream.

At the same time, my mind was very clear, I knew I’m dreaming. My flatmates were already gone, nobody else at home, but they keep talking.

ただでさえ肌がざわざわしているのに，ちくわが通りかかって余計にざわざわ気持ち悪かった．

友人から，巨大なドーナツ状の時計クッキーをもらった．時計クッキーは食べると時間が進むらしい．9時40分のところまで食べても，スタッフは誰も現れないので，11時半くらいに戻ります，とメモを残して行きつけのパブへ行った．

パブにつくと，わたしは男前な洋服に着替える．素敵なスーツ．高級な素材．

パブでランチをとっていたら，19歳くらいの男の子に話しかけられた．オフィスはどこなの？　エンパイヤタワー？　ときかれる．あそこは高すぎて，なんて答えながら，オフィスのインテリアについてはなしていた．

会社作ったときはお金がなくて，ちゃんと内装できなかったの，というと，その人は，でもユニット家具都下で組んだ方が安かったんじゃないの，とかいう．

何だかちょっと悔しくなって，毎週MBK通って安いけどかわいいのみつけたの．いまのオフィス，悪くないわよ，という．予算全然足りなくて，ぶつぶつ．

なんていってオフィスに戻るとみんな来ている．でも，みんな中学の同級生だった．

そのうち3人が遅刻常習犯．いいけどさ，連絡してよね，朝一ミーティングしようて言ったじゃん，と，その3人＋たまたまその日だけ遅刻した一人（ふさこ）メールで文句を言う．メールは英語だった．

自分のマネジメント能力の低さに凹む．

朝鮮料理という設定なのに，なぜかまずは納豆ごはんがでた．それが泣くほどおいしくて，もりもり食べた．そのあと，レモン何とかスープと言うのが出てきて，こしょうがきいていてかなりの美味．小さな白菜のたくさん入ったあんかけっぽい料理もあって，それもまた美味．

一緒のテーブルにいた中国人にプロポーズされて，どうしよっかなぁ，何て考えていた．どんな日とだったか全然思い出せない．ご飯がおいしかったことだけは覚えている．

その階段はコンクリートでできているのだけれど，鉄筋コンクリートの鉄筋に当たる部分がなかでだめになって，かいだんがふよふよのぶすぶすになっていってあぶない．

その日わたしは水着を忘れてしまって，一番レースとかのついていない真っ赤な下着を水着がわりにして泳いでいた．

プールにはいると，そのプールのある階から下の階は全部水に浸かっていて，プールに潜って泳いで行くと船のデッキとかへいくことができる．デッキではたくさんのひとが食事したりおしゃべりしたりしているの抱けれど，みんな水の中．

船のサービスの支配人みたいなひとに，階段なおしたほうがいいよ，という話をする．そんなはなしをしているときに，誰かもう一人いて，3人で階段の修繕費用の見積りをたてる．でも，うーん，予算がなぁ，なんていってはなしはなぁなぁにおわる．

ふと気づくと，わたしはまた船の中でプールを探している．プールの方へいく通路が薄暗くて陰気でじめじめしている．細い通路の入り口に，白いシャツを着た病気のパティスミスみたいなおばさんがぬーっとたっている．頭を右に傾けて，魚みたいな目でたってる．

口にはホースみたいなのを咥えていて，ホースの反対側はおばさんの胸に突き刺さっていて，自分ですはーすはーってやりながら，そこにある臓器を調整してる．

このひと病気でいま発作なんだ．自分で人工呼吸してるんだ，っておもって，落ち着くまで待ってることにする．ふとよこをみると小さな浴槽みたいなのがあ る．あ，これは消毒槽ってやつだ，とおもって，近くにたっていた警備員のおじさんに，これ，消毒槽？　ときくと，そうですよ，プールはいるまえに浸かって くださいね，といわれる．

じゃ，おばさんがすこーとかやっているあいだちょっと浸かっておこうと思って，しばらく浸かっていたらピリピリしてきた．

おばさんは持ち直してきたみたいで，だいぶ落ち着いてきて，喋れるようになったらしく，道を譲ってくれた．

わたしは言われるままに細い通路を右の方へ進む．ずんずんいくんだけれどプールはなくて，浴衣でうろうろしているおばさんとかがいて，温泉みたい．

おかしいなぁ，とおもいつつうろうろしていると，お座敷にテレビがあって，さっきの瀕死のおばさんが映っている．どうも，演技だったみたい，ネタばらし番組.

わたしはそのままうろうろしていて，通りすがりのひとに聞いてみると，自分はいま6号車にいて，目的地は1号車だってことがわかった．

ケータイに留守電が入っていて，「バイト19日までですよ」とはいっている．自分は18日までのつもりで，19日から旅に出てしまったらしい．

でも，最初についたビーチは全然綺麗じゃない．ビーチの砂が混じっているからだけじゃなくて，タイの川の水みたいに濁っている．でも波はあるので，ぽよぽよ波に合わせて浮かんだりしてしばらく遊んでいた．

お天気もあまりよくなくて，空は曇っている．

そこでみんなでぞろぞろ別のビーチへ移動．とってもとってもクリアできれいな水の，川についた．ビーチじゃない．

綺麗なんだけど，泳いでみると淡水で，波ではなくていっぽうほうこうに流れていて，そして浅い．ちょっと違うよな，と，友人たちとまた移動することに．

土手をよいしょよいしょ，と登る．わたしの前を二人，左が女の子，右が男の子，が歩いていておしゃべりしている．JAVAでやりたいなーとか，おとこのこがいうと女の子がJAVAJAVAドレスとかつくっちゃう？　という．

女の子は真っ赤な服を着ていた．

その土手を登っているところで目が覚めた．

目が覚めると，友達からチャットが．ちょうど出張先でチェックインするところらしく，宿泊名簿に記帳中らしい．みんな同じな前なんだよね，きむらが3人とぼく，と，チャットで．木村が3人なら，まとめて森村って書いちゃえばいいのか，って書いてあるのを読んだところで目が覚めた．

I was just watching the execution.

There were some people going to be destined to be executed. Their body was frozen except head. They were sliced by a machine looks like meat slicer you see at butcher shop. Their body was frozen so there were no blood bleeding. They look at their body sliced and reaching death.

With the technology to freeze except head, they don’t feel anything on their body but their head, mind is super clear. At the last moment of their life, they are allowed to ring friends on skype to ask for some stuff they want.

The guy I was looking was a western guy who is a friend of mine, he rang his friend and give his friend detailed direction such as “Go to the market on that street, get bunch of veges, kao man gai and Thai sweets”.

As soon as he gave the direction, online map was sync with his information, showing balloons on the online map in a second and show the detailed information.

The one who was asked to get stuff and other people track the flags to check if the tasks are done or not.

His legs had being sliced.

Then I thought of how he digest that much food. His stomach must be frozen as well, or maybe only one line which sends blood to brain is alive? I was wondering such things.

Anybody could check the status of slicing and shopping tasks online.

I couldn’t see any fear from people going to be destined. They looks so excited to have the last food or seeing their girlfriend etc. Their eyes checking online status looks so happy.

Sliced meats are really frozen.

Just before this execution, I saw another one. After that, we had late lunch together. There wee some people on the table. One is my friend who live in Tokyo, one girl who looks like tom boy, some people I know etc. After the lunch, the tom boy and me ride on a bike and head to friends who is actually on shopping for the next one.

Every time after execution, we had meal together.

One time one the way to meal, I saw one of my friend walking toward. He looks so stressed and depressed, I couldn’t even say hello to him. His eyes see one point and never moved.

Slice arms and legs, executed guy is still alive with only body part which is frozen. After sliced off all arms and legs, he is put in a nice bed and then his body starts melting slowly. He doesn’t even have arms or legs to scrabble, just so much pain. The last food in his tummy go rotten… what made him to be killed like that?

photo by jetalone

In Japan, new year’s card has numbers on it, which is the number for lot.

In the late January, I received a sealed letter from my boss. In the envelop there was the new year’s card I sent to him, which won the new year’s lot. The prize was tickets to Germany.

There was a piece of paper and it says “Take your mother there” or something, which was hand writing by my boss. While I was reading it, the characters starts moving and fly out of the paper, then disappeared in the air.

Actually, my boss is the one who gets the prize, but when I read it I didn’t even think of it, I was so happy to have the tickets. Then realized that I hadn’t checked any new year’s cards I received, some might win prizes.

However, checking the numbers one by one is kind of hard work. So I decided to use kind of scanner, which is public property. People make q to use it.

The scanner is very simple. There are only 2 sticks, when a card passed between the sticks, it tells you if it win or not. I didn’t know how it’s gonna be if any card win. I just checked all cards with it and the result I got was that I don’t have any cards which win the prize.

I woke back home and see the new year’s card from my boss, then finally I thought of that he is the one who should get the prize, not me.

So I told him that the prize is for him, not me. But he said “Well, even if I get the prize, I’m sure I’ll waste it, just take your mother there”.

Thank you so much my super cool boss!